Stationary Stories

Dear blog readers, 

I've done the pokaroo kind of thing I always do when I live in the same place for a little while. I drop off the writing bandwagon. Why oh why does that written reflection time diminish in a sessile lifestyle? Sure, it hasn't disappeared, I still reflect in my journal from time to time, but my journal isn't filling up nearly as quickly as it does when I'm cycling around, when I'm visiting or seeing new landscapes, new people, myself in new light. And it's the written kind of reflection that I know my heart appreciates so much. The idea that I can open my mind and let it flow, free writing styles, out through my fingertips; it's just, well, theraputic. 

And so now it seems, rather then picking up a pen, for a reason that likely has to do with the fact that I'm so busy getting ready for my next work commitment (going to Vancouver to facilitate an Otesha team's orientation and training week) and I feel a (large) degree of some stress building up within me, it's like a desire for that therapy has turned into a downright need. Some days, my soul just needs to write. Maybe this is one of them. 

Oh, the dog days of summer. Why they are coined the 'dog' days, I'm not sure, but jeez, I love the heat, love feeling comfortable late at night, laying diagonally in a low hanging hammock  letting the charged up glare of the full moon spill down over my face, my bare arms and legs. Where I can spend time after dark, slowly walking back and forth between rain barrel and vegetable patch, slowly watering the plants I've babied since March. And summer for me is just so delicious - delicious to the point where I can sense the nutrition in it - like the vegetable that's grown in my yard has just more nutrients, and those nutrients somehow lend more flavour to your plate. Tonight I had one such meal. Slow fried garlic, onions and potatoes from the garden, dappled with sage from the front yard. A couple eggs from the farmers market, a rare treat they are, filled with more garlic, chard, kale and parsley from the front garden as well. And I just can't get enough of the delicate flavour of my perfectly ripe orange tomatoes - the big fruits which have finally turned from green to sunshine orange, and have managed to create the most gnarly and unique shape on top of themselves, that it's a project just to decide how you might choose to chop it. Mix those choppings with some garden basil, some balsamic, salt and olive oil, and the fresh juiciness of it all just insults your mouth and nose in the best way possible. 

Okay, enough trying to turn you on via food porn. Summer is also delicious in the energetic sense. People are out about, nearly nude in their dress, the air is thick, sexy even I'd say. It's just a sexy time of year I guess. 

I did kinda want to share a bit about what the heck I've been up to over and up here (down for some) in Ottawa. Since I wrote my last blog post (in January!) I've made a bit of a life here in Ottawa. I've done lots of cooking, gardening, preserving, fermenting, dancing, yoga, and work. Don't forget the work. Especially in recent weeks, Otesha has managed to occupy each spare moment of my brain power, and take up just slightly less of that in terms of my time. However, among this work, I could never manage to pass up the opportunity to host Couch Surfers, cycle tourists, dance dance dance, do a french course, go on a few camping trips, cycle in the Gatineaus, have plenty of board game parties, swim in the pond lots, ride to Kingston, ride to Montreal, do more yoga, go to two wonderful music festivals, share lot's with others about this crazy thing Otesha, and build some really beautiful connections with folks in Ottawa and maintain connections with folks beyond. Yep, busy, but pleasant.

It wasn't until this past month that I started to question the balance of things here for me. Balance. What a great word. is it actually practical? Probably? even possible? Balance to me really includes the things I mentioned above, but at a more spread out pace - so that the moments we need to pause, to breath it all in, aren't lost. 

On that note, my physical body needs to take pause. Take rest. Goodnight.

Evanescent transitions of opulent openness.

Believe it, I'm back in Ontario. Sometimes it feels real, other moments, like today, when I paused feeling the chill of the Ontario wind on my cheek, staring at my sister's horses eating their alfalfa, I felt like the past 4 months were but a dream...

I have been on a blog hiatus it seems. There were a couple times when I sat down at the sluggish computer in the library, fondly known as Kali's Cafe, at Yasodhara Ashram during December to gather together some concise reflections about my time at the Ashram. It felt too difficult to summarize the reflections, like I wouldn't be doing the experience, the emotions, the feelings, the rituals justice by writing a few words about them on this blog and launching them into the world wide Internet space.

But, for myself more then for you, it's with some sense of desperation that I want to write this message to you, the unknown reader, to let you know that yes, the month of December was formative.

So is every day and every moment that has followed it.

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In case you are curious about my whereabouts over the past while, since I last wrote to you from Victoria, BC: I cycled back to Vancouver and spent a week there immersing myself in the city - the downtown core, the east side, practicing some yoga, visiting with my coastal city friends, and even seeing an amazing Celtic music show. I then ventured via ride share across the province to the bold, beautiful and creative town of Nelson. There I reconnected with my friends whom so generously welcomed me into their home for a week. Where we cooked and cooked, attended a rally for local First Nations recognition, went the full moon celebration, met some great new people, saw the Christmas Pantomime, even went for a soak at the nearby hot springs.  All this before I dove into a solid month of Karma Yoga at Yasodhara, a time of personal self reflection, learning about Kundalini yoga, and celebration. My time at the Ashram was book ended by another trip back to Vancouver and up to Cortes Island, to refresh my heart with both the island air, and a visit with a special someone. Then, a train trip of epic proportions, from Vancouver to Toronto. What a vast and wondrous country this Canada is. 

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I'd like to share with you the reflection that I read aloud at my last evening's Satsang to the whole community at the Ashram:

"My time has come to adventure on wards, and as I reflect on my past four weeks of being here, I truly feel like I've been at one long Satsang, always "in the company of the wise". 

Some beautiful and meaningful times have been experienced for me here: my fist Satsang, hearing the words of the diving mother prayer amplifying and reverberating in the sacred and acoustically spectacular temple. Sharing and questioning openly in Karma Yogi Women's class. Practicing and opening to the Diving Light Invocation, sensing something unique and different with each time I practiced. Evening in depth conversations with the beautiful women of Budda Loca. And all of the spectacular celebrations during this Festival of Light, what a privilege. My birthday, the energetically important solstice, candle light processions, campfires, ritual, singing, gathering, celebrating. The times that we have all spent chanting mantra, singing songs and dancing have opened my soul a bit more wide. The workshops I have attended enabled me to learn and grow and explore in subtle, but important ways, I feel gratitude to have been granted the opportunity to be a part of these. 

At times, I've felt challenged in compromising ways, that I didn't like. I recognize that they are all fine and healthy challenges, sometimes teaching me a lesson, and other times no lesson being clear other then to acknowledge emotions, relax and let it go. 

I so appreciate this beautiful land, so sacred, on which we dwell. The forest - absolute magic. The water - pure gold. The mountains - awe inspiring. Here where Shakti is worshiped, empowered and made vibrant and radiant with so much light. 

Ritual has been brought back, deeper into my world and I thank you all for facilitating that. Most of all I am grateful that you've opened your spiritual and physical home to me and countless other karma yogi's and guests. You've made space for me to re discover my divinity and my connection to God. And to re acknowledge that the glow of light shines through each and everyone, all of this while reflecting on myself and my intentions. 

I'm looking forward to 2013 adventures and carrying some of the ritual and practice to my future days, while intensely cherishing each and every short beautiful moment that I have been gifted, here, now. 

I salute the Divine in you, Namaste."
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And so, I have recognized a theme or two tied to my past couple months, and I want to continue working with these in this time of transition for me. Finding the divine, and finding openness in each present moment that I have. Feeling emotions deeply, and embracing those emotions. Really listening, tuning in to what I'm feeling, my truth, and discovering what my unconscious soul is communicating. All this so that I can be full of the love that I am and glow like it too, as I flow through this beautiful life.
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"There is a craving in every individual, no matter how unaware, to experience other states of consciousness, to understand the truth about the divine, the cosmos, the universe." - Swami Radha